thoughts on denial

Posted on September 4, 2010 by Meredith

I am in the middle of an existential food crisis.

Well, maybe it isn’t that dire, but I need your help and honest opinions.

Lately I’ve been having thoughts regarding vegetarianism and denial. Having grown up in the South, I am a huge fan of barbecue, cookouts, fried chicken, and all that other good stuff. I grew up on the Chesapeake Bay and I love crabbing and shellfish. But, if you’ve been reading me for any time you’ll know that in February I wafted back into vegetarianism. I had been a vegetarian for several years and into my first year of college but then slowly started allowing meat back into my diet. Of course, I was doing it the wrong way and, combined with many emotional stressors and other issues in my life, I got very unhealthy. But I can’t help but think that there has to be a healthy way to have meat in your life.

I made an informed decision when becoming a vegetarian. I researched the issues and the choices. I struggled with the label, and I still do. I hate to pidgeon-hole myself into anything, and labeling myself as a “vegetarian” just isn’t working any more. I want to live a label-less life and find my own way to eat! I am able to cook for myself, find good restaurants, and adapt in meat-heavy situations. But once again, I can’t help but think that there has to be a healthy way to have meat in your life.

Which brings me to the issue of denial. One of my food philosophy principles that I hold myself to is “Never deny yourself a food you want.” I think denial is very unhealthy and this only creates more food issues. But aren’t I technically denying myself meat when, even as a vegetarian, I have cravings for my G’ma’s ham biscuits or one of my Aunt Josette’s hamburgers? I am still denying myself a food and having an unhealthy relationship with it.

While I still am convinced that a diet based primarily in vegetables and natural foods is the best for me, is there harm in eating meat occasionally? I have grown to love vegetarian alternatives like vegan sausage, Boca burgers, and tofu. And I know that I like how these foods make me feel so I will continue eating them. So I’m thinking that staying primarily vegetable-based while allowing myself some meat when I want it is okay.

Don't we all just want to enjoy life and love food?

When people ask me why I’m a vegetarian, I always say, “For my health, for the environment, and for the animals.” All of these are true and I still feel passionately about them. Choosing a primarily plant-based diet still helps my health, the environment, and the animals. After living in Austin for a month, I am convinced there’s a way to stay healthy and active and still incorporate meat on occasion. As for the environment, I think that any contribution matters. I drive a Prius, I try to recycle, and I use reusable shopping bags. By limiting my meat intake, instead of denying myself meat, I think I can still make a positive impact on the environment. And as for the animals, I think choosing to be meatless most days still makes a positive impact and it means I am making a contribution. I will do my best to find the most ethical, naturally raised meat I can and in doing that, I will support local farmers. I can guarantee I’m not going to go to McDonalds for a burger, but if the craving strikes I will do my best to find grass-fed beef from a local supplier I can feel good about. I’m not perfect and neither are my food choices, but my philosophy of “Do the best you can where you can” applies to this situation.

And at the end of the day, don’t I just want to feel good about my choices? I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but I’m afraid the vegetarian community will shun me. I still have all the sample principles as before, but I think that absolutely, flat-out denying myself something I truly like is doing more harm than good. I want to find a healthy way to enjoy the foods I crave, like barbecue, and still be healthy and enjoy a mostly plant-based diet. I want to shed the label of being a “vegetarian” or even a “flexitarian”. I want to find a way to be happy and healthy and not deny myself anything.

What I want out of life: a smile on my face like this with no regrets about anything.

I’m just so… torn. I feel like I’m making a good decision, but I am still unsure. I just want to have a healthy, happy life and if a happy life includes the occasional bbq spare rib, I might be okay with that.

Filed under: deep thinking, food I love, food philosophy | 11 Comments »

an ode to corn tortillas

Posted on September 2, 2010 by Meredith

There are many foods that I love. But there are a few foods that transcend the usual love I have for food and are in an entirely new plane of food awareness. And today I am going to discuss one of those foods: the corn tortilla.

Now the corn tortilla is normally an afterthought, used to contain the cheesy goodness of a quesadilla or as a vessel to transport the spiced potato and onion of a breakfast taco. But I would like to bring some more awareness to this often overlooked and purely delicious source of carbohydrates.

Quesadilla nirvana comes from the corn tortilla

The summer I lived in Mexico, my house mom would buy fresh tortillas every day from the market down the street and I was addicted. Since getting back from Mexico (over 2 years ago!) I have been continuously disappointed by the tortillas in the US. Until now.

I should have known that my local grocer here in Austin would not disappoint when it came to tortillas. I mean, they have nopales (cactus), tunas (cactus pears), horchata, agua fresca and other delicious Mexican treats that are just too far from Virginia. But now that I’m only 4 hours from my beloved Mexico, I have access to it all! The sheer size of the tortilla aisle is mind boggling and the smell is absolutely intoxicating. I tried the whole wheat flour variety, which were good, but for $2.68 you got 10 tortillas. I switched to the corn this time and got 30 for $1.50. I’m no genius, but hello money saver!

Corn tortillas taste better and, when warmed a bit, hold up better to food inside them. They are chewier, tastier, and the ones at my store aren’t made with lard. I’m fully aware that corn isn’t a “whole grain” and that the whole wheat flour tortilla variety would be better for me. But there are some foods that I’m not willing to cut corners with. I figure I eat healthy enough most of the time, I can risk a few calories and some starch intake with corn tortillas. They are just worth it!

Is there a food that you absolutely love and refuse to compromise with? What food do you prefer in the real form and not the healthier version?

Filed under: epic win, food I love, lunch | 6 Comments »

perfecting an imperfection

Posted on September 1, 2010 by Meredith

I’m not perfect. Nor will I ever be. Though I may, jokingly, claim that I am “the perfect woman” or that I’m perfect for some job or role, I am actually imperfect. And that is okay.

I’m imperfect because, as I mentioned in this post , I burn toast, trip often, and hate wearing socks. In fact, I’m so imperfect that in the process of typing this post, I somehow managed to hit my head on the metal cabinet above my desk in the grad student workspace, making a lot of noise and attracting attention. I sweat a lot, I get cotton mouth when I’m nervous, and I don’t always eat right. I have a hard time letting things go and I sometimes put all my proverbial eggs in one basket. Also, I decided to quit my half marathon training.

If quitting makes you imperfect, then I can deal with that. I chose to stop training because my knee injury isn’t healing fast enough. It is healing and I can run again, but I lost a lot of endurance in my down time and I just don’t want to push it hard and give myself more problems. I also stopped because, while I lose $125 in the race entry fee (the Nike Women’s (Half) Marathon), I won’t lose $400 flying to San Francisco, staying in a hotel, eating out, and then being disappointed because I had to walk half the race with a knee injury. My friend Mary who was running it with me is of the same state of mind, so we both decided that, while we are disappointed at missing the opportunity, more will come and it is the more responsible decision in the end.

Since I have no big races to train for anymore but maybe a 5k on the horizon, I’m slowly working on building up my endurance and really enjoying running again. I’m not looking at distance or speed but just running and walking when I see fit. I love this! But I do need some kind of goal to work towards so I’ve devised a clever scheme to deal with some other “imperfections”.

I want to tone up and feel better about my imperfect body. This body will never be perfect, and I’m okay with that, but I think a weight training regimen will be something I can work on with a goal in mind and still be able to change something about me that I think can be perfected. And perfected does not imply perfect.

It is pretty simple but I have a basic calendar:

From my days of lifting weights with my club and high school swim teams, I know some basic moves that really help. I know how to use most of the machines, safely, and also some hand weight moves. I am going to use both the gym and exercise videos with a resistance band and an abs ball to accomplish all these exercises and make sure I rest, stretch, and don’t burn out. If you have links to workouts or recommendations for videos, let me know! I think that I might also look into personal training, if they have it at UT for students, and consider investing in a session or 2 to really help me out.

Suggestions and ideas are, as always, welcome! I’m not trying to be perfect, because that will never happen, but I am going to do my best to work on an imperfection that I see in myself and feel better about it.

That said, I’m off to find my tickets to the gun show.

Filed under: deep thinking, half marathon training, injury, motivation, running, strength training | 5 Comments »

how to be epic

Posted on August 28, 2010 by Meredith

Based on the comments from my most recent post and the well-liked statement ¨… I am epic and so is my life,” I have decided to elaborate on the concept of being epic and what it means to me.

1. Always believe in yourself. Be you and don’t worry about getting judged.

2. Be nice, but don’t be afraid to show your inner-bitch (when appropriate). Firmly stand by your beliefs and never be sorry for them.

3. Appreciate the epic-ness of life. If something particularly awesome happens, call attention to it.

4. Don’t half-ass anything. Do everything to the fullest and never fear failure.

5. Eat chocolate daily, just for good measure.

6. Find something you love doing and do it every day, even if its just 5 minutes.

7. Listen to inappropriate music too loudly with the windows down in your car. Head bang and fist pump when necessary.

8. Laugh often but allow yourself to cry when you need to.

9. Have no fear and take no prisoners. Need I say more?

10. And, finally, to steal a popular British phrase, “Keep calm and carry on.”

Filed under: deep thinking, epic win, motivation | 9 Comments »

owning my choices

Posted on August 25, 2010 by Meredith

Well I know I have been gone for a few days, but grad school is hectic, people! Today my classes officially started and Wednesday is going to be my busy day. In addition to 2 classes (that are hours apart), I’m going to hold my office hours in the middle of the day to get it all done and over with. Smart? Maybe. Long? Yes.

But I have to get something off my chest that I’ve been wanting to share with you lately, and since I was so inspired by Rachel’s 4th Rule and her latest post about owning things, I want to own my choices. This is actually a concept that I’m familiar with because in college I was an RA and our bosses, when speaking of our strengths, always told us to “own it.” I make my own choices and I own it. That means that I am fully aware and fully acknowledge something, own up to it, and embrace it.

I’m choosing to not get exercise bulimia and concentrate on my health and not following the blogger trend of crazy racing schedules and exercise obsessions.

I’m choosing to blog less but try to write about things that are more meaningful.

I’m choosing to rediscover my inner writer and find an outlet for her. I can’t believe all I ever do is academic writing!

I’m choosing to stumble my way through adulthood and figure things out on my own. So I may end up with a few bruises on my shins, a broken heart, and some life lessons learned? We all have to learn some how!

I’m choosing to remember how beautiful I am.

I’m choosing to own it and not be sorry for who I am. Sorry I’m not sorry, but this is me. I’m not always polite, I offend people daily on Twitter, I hate wearing socks, I’m a terrible dancer, I put my bookshelf together backwards, I trip, I burn toast, and I love my life. And you know what? I’m not sorry at all for who I am and for what I do.

Every day I make a new choice and a new change in my life that helps me become the person I am, and isn’t that what my epic change is all about? Sorry I’m not sorry, but I am epic and so is my life. I’m going to make my choices and own them.

Oh and I’m choosing to quit my half marathon training.

Filed under: deep thinking, half marathon training | 29 Comments »

Veg-Mex and bats

Posted on August 22, 2010 by Meredith

Since I now live in the land of amazing Tex-Mex food, and since all the grocery stores are filled with my old favorites from my time living in Mexico, I’ve been craving my absolute favorite Mexican dish: Chicken with Molé sauce.

See the obvious problem? Yes, the chicken. When I lived in Mexico, I wasn’t a vegetarian! At most Mexican restaurants there is a decent selection of vegetarian-friendly options. But never a dish with molé. So I made my own variation.

Tofu grilling with traditional spices: cayenne, chili powder, garlic, and lime juice

I cheated... store bought molé paste! (no ingredients on hand for the homemade stuff)

After following the instructions on the mole, let it simmer with the tofu.

Finished product! Serve with fresh lime wedges, tortilla, brown rice, goat cheese, and veg! Oh, and beer.

It was delicious! If you don’t know, molé is a sauce made from chocolate and chiles. Yes, that is right. And it is delicious. It is traditionally topped with queso blanco or queso Oaxaca, but the goat cheese was my personal twist. The saltiness and creaminess of the goat cheese went really well with the sweet and spice of the molé sauce. And always squeeze fresh lime juice over Mexican food. Trust me.

After my vegetarian twist, I headed out to the BatFest held on one of the bridges close to my apartment. Caitlin met me at my apartment and we took the bus to meet up with some of my new grad school classmates!

Blog lovin'

Austin (and apparently all of Texas) has a large population of bats and there are a ton that come out at the Congress Ave bridge at night, so we were hoping to see a giant swarm of them. Unfortunately they were not cooperating and we only saw them flying around solo. But I still thought they were cool!

And see why I’m in love with Austin?

View from the Congress Ave bridge (facing S 1st St)

After a short stint at the BatFest, we went to a couple bars looking for anything exciting. My classmates left early but Caitlin and I are wild party girls new in town and looking for a social life, so we stayed out and had a fun night together!

This morning I got my act together and met a friend at the gym then bought my books for class. This upcoming week is going to be crazy, I’m glad I had some fun this weekend!!

Filed under: chocolate, cooking, dinner, epic win, friends, gym, recipe | 1 Comment »

special sauce

Posted on August 19, 2010 by Meredith

Do you have ingredients that are particularly sentimental to you? Or even a dish that is very strongly connected to a memory, person, or place? Well, for me, that ingredient would be none other than Newman’s Own Sockarooni spaghetti sauce.

My special sauce

Yes, jarred spaghetti sauce. This sauce isn’t the most incredible thing I’ve ever tasted, though it happens to be my preferred jar of choice, but it is special to me for other reasons. Growing up, one of our favorite family meals was spaghetti and my dad almost always made the sauce. He always, without fail, used Sockarooni and “doctored it up” with his own combination of spices. I open the jar, smell it, taste it, and instantly can picture myself standing barefoot in the kitchen with him, throwing spaghetti noodles on the wooden cabinets to see if they stick (a sure sign they’re perfectly cooked, FYI), and tasting the sauce. This sauce is a bittersweet one, but not because of its taste. It is bittersweet because, as many of you know, my father passed away in November 2008. Anything I can do to keep him fresh in my memory is so important to me, and when I picked up this jar of sauce at the grocery store, I knew exactly where it would take me back to. So tonight’s dinner of pasta with Sockarooni sauce, is dedicated to my Daddy.

I had a long day on campus doing grad school orientation and that, coupled with me crying as I tasted a spoonful of spaghetti sauce, told me that a glass of wine might not be a bad idea. And in an effort to add more wine reviews to the blog, I indulged.

HRM's Rex Goliath Cab Sav

I have to say, for under $6, this was a kickin’ Cab Sav. Cab Savs happen to be my favorite type of wine because they’re bold, but not too bold. The almost bitter taste of red wines comes from tannin and this has a great balance of fruit and tannin. I did my tasting, ate dinner, and when I got around to blogging I checked the HRM Rex Goliath website out and was shocked to see the wine’s description went right along with my own opinion. I am, by no means, a wine expert, but apparently I’m doing alright. It had a very fruity, almost sweet taste up front and it had the traditional red boldness of the tannin on the back of the palate as you swallowed. Honestly if you’re into red wines and you don’t have a big budget (like me!) I highly recommend it. It tastes more luxurious than it actually is!

One happy camper!

Now I’m going to relax a little and think fondly of the special sauce and the amazing person it reminds me of. I think food is a very important aspect of memory and association — it goes to show how powerful food truly is!

Filed under: cooking, deep thinking, dinner, family, wine | 5 Comments »

beer, bloggers, & balance

Posted on August 17, 2010 by Meredith

I just had a great night!!! I got my teaching assignment for being a TA, I successfully navigated the public transit system, and I had a blogger meet up with some lovely ladies!

Cara, Caitlin, Teddy, Sarah, Carina, and I met up for a great dinner! I have “known” Caitlin for a while through the blogosphere and she, too, just moved to Austin the same week as me! And Cara and I found each other when I announced my move to Austin, so I’ve been reading her for a few months. The other girls were fun new finds! Sarah actually went to college in Virginia so we have some VA love to bond us!

We started out with a pitcher of Austin’s finest… Lone Star!

Lone Star (a Texan beer)

And then some pizza!

White pie (this + another small slice!)

And my lovely dinner buddies!

Left side from bottom: Carina, Teddy, Cara; right side from bottom: me (duh), Caitlin, and Sarah!

Thanks, Salvation Pizza, for some yummy pie! I normally am not a huge fan of thin crust (it has a carb deficiency) but this was quite delicious! We had originally planned to go to the restaurant next door and it was randomly closed :( But this turned out to be a great alternative.

Salvation Pizza on 34th

So let’s talk about my food intake lately. Yes, it appears as if I’ve been doing nothing but going out to dinner, drinking beer, and eating pizza. But, as you should know, I am a huge advocate of balance. So what if I eat pizza for dinner? I don’t apologize for what I eat. I’ll have a lighter lunch and make sure I get some good healthy fruit & veg in somehow. Having a healthy relationship with food means finding balance. I don’t believe in swearing off a food (except maybe meat if you’re a vegetarian like me… but that is a different issue). Labeling a food as “bad” creates bad food vibes and a bad relationship. There are foods I tend to keep out of the pantry, but I would never swear it off for being unhealthy. And I hate the word “moderation”. So you eat a few too many cookies? Keep making good food decisions and eventually they’ll outweigh the not so good decisions. Balance, people. Balance.

Life is too short to give up pizza and beer!!

Filed under: deep thinking, dinner, friends, restaurant | 2 Comments »

bike ride & a new neighbor

Posted on August 17, 2010 by Meredith

Yesterday, I joined some of the current graduate students in my department for a bike ride to start learning my way around Austin. No one warned me that my department was so athletic!!! They’re all really strong riders and athletes, for a “social ride” it was a decent workout. My thighs are burning this morning! But I have to say, I loved socializing during exercise. I don’t always want a sweat buddy, but sometimes it is nice to have someone to talk to. It makes the time go by faster!

I didn’t snap any pictures because I was busy overcoming my fear of riding my bike in traffic, but we did stop at a really cool place to have lunch. For lunch, we went to a grocery store called Central Market where there is a small restaurant inside and a great patio. I had a Green Machine smoothie (orange, mango, and spirulina) and a granola bar. I was shockingly NOT hungry, just HOT and THIRSTY! The ride started around 10am and we wound around the city, ate lunch, and finished up around 1:30pm. When we were done it was nearing 103 degrees outside so I spent the rest of the afternoon chugging water and sitting in the pool at my apartment.

After recovering from the bike ride, I got a text from my friend Mary (the one in town looking for a place to live & my dinner buddy from the other night). It turns out, she signed a lease on an apartment in my complex!! My complex is made up of 2 different communities, but they’re all run out of the same leasing office. She will be about a 5 minute walk down a parking lot from me!!! We went out to dinner, again, to celebrate!

At North by Northwest Pub & Brewery, I enjoyed a carb fest. I sat down for dinner and realized it was 7pm and I hadn’t eaten anything since my granola bar & smoothie at 11:30am! I was ravenous!

Northern Light from the brewery at NXNW

Our appetizer... Skillet Fried Cornbread with goat cheese & wild mushrooms

Bleu cheese & artichoke pizza with caramelized onions (came with chicken & I subbed with artichokes!)

The pictures didn’t turn out great because of the lighting in the restaurant, but at least you were able to see my carb fest! I ate half the pizza and have the rest to eat for lunch today!!

So do you enjoy social exercise? And more importantly, do you enjoy the occasional carb fest? Carbs are not evil!!!

Filed under: bike, dinner, friends, restaurant | 5 Comments »

tex mex & a famous sunset

Posted on August 15, 2010 by Meredith

I have some time to kill this Sunday morning and, in the spirit of relaxation and down time, I figured I would share my dinner experience from last night!!

My friend Mary is moving here at the end of the month, so Mary and her mom are in town looking for apartments. They got in around dinner time last night and wanted Tex Mex, for obvious reasons. I had heard about this restaurant called The Oasis at Lake Travis and how it was famous for the view and for the margaritas.

Well we all hopped into my car and I drove us 25 minutes east and we arrived at the biggest restaurant I have ever seen.

I think I'll slip on down to The Oasis...

We had to park about a mile away and take a shuttle (glorified golf cart) to the front door, where we waited in a very long line JUST got get a buzzer for a table. I had NO idea it was such a big place!!! They’re doing a big expansion right now and the construction will make it even more of a massive mini-city. While we waited in line, Boy Scouts peddled popcorn, jewelry was being sold, and there was a man drawing caricatures! When we finally got our buzzer, we were shocked to hear that the wait was only 30 minutes for a table!

We headed up to the 3rd floor where a band was playing live music and there were 2 bars. We found a table and ordered some famous margaritas!

Me & Mary with our famous margaritas

After some music and brain freeze (that would be me with brain freeze), our buzzer went off and we were seated on one of the cliff-side patios. Seriously, I should have taken a picture, this restaurant is HUGE! In addition to the 3 floors, there are all these patios built into the cliffs! As we were seated, we were greeted by this view:

Another famous, perfect sunset over Lake Travis

The view was incredible as we ate our chips and Mary and her mom sipped margaritas. I was the DD, so I switched to water. Another bonus? You got to take the water cups home! They’re big, plastic, touristy souvenir cups… right up my alley!

Our food arrived and I was in love. I thought it was slightly over priced, but I think you pay for the atmosphere. The vegetarian selection wasn’t very ample, but the cheese enchiladas sounded great. I love Tex Mex, and thankfully I live in the right place to find it. I was impressed by the red sauce on my dinner, it was sweet but quite spicy… perfection!

Vegetarian Cheese Enchiladas with rice & black beans

With the breeze, the view, the company, and the love I’m developing for Texas, it was a perfect evening! I dropped Mary and her mom back at their hotel and finished the quick drive back to my apartment where I fell into bed and woke up this morning, totally in love with Austin.

Filed under: dinner, epic win, friends, restaurant | Leave a Comment »

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